Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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