Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
