I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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