After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
