I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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