Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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