Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
