shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
