walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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