that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
