I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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