Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
