I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
