And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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