what day is it and did you see me today?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
