sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
