Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would fuck him just for his dog
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
