i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
