I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
