Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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