Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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