There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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