So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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