uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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