You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
