My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
