My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
