I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
