I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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