Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
