if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
