im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
