My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
