Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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