dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
