i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
