thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
