There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They have beer where we have blood.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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