the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
