Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
