Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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