I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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