Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
