promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
