Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
