i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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