you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
ttyl tear gas
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
