so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
