When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
