Ambien. No doubt about it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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