Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
4 words: hood of his car
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
