I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
