I got chris browned last night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
