He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
