i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He did a backflip because drugs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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