My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
