Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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